Just close your eyes and open your heart,
And feel your worries and cares depart.
Just yield yourself to the Father above,
And let Him hold you secure in His love.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Jokes
Okay so I want everyone to comment all the jokes they know and then everyone can know new jokes and laugh. I don't know hardly any good jokes so this is my way to learn some. It doesn't have to be good just post what you like.
WHOA! Do I know those people??? Yikes. :) Here's a joke... Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms! hahaha. I'll give you some more jokes next week. :)
What car part can be used to bake a cake? The Batter-y What do you call a man who steps off the dock with a 10 pound anchor in his arms? A sinker. Why do hens lay eggs? If they dropped them they'd break. What is the hardest stadium in which to hit an out-of-the-park home run? An indoor stadium.
There's 3 guys and they got captured by a tribe. They had to stick a peice of fruit up their butt without making noise or laughing or else they get killed. The first guy came back with 2 grapes. He made a noise so he got killed. The second guy came back with an orange and he started laughing so he died. While they were both up in heaven the first guy said to the second guy "Why were you laughing?" "The third guy came back with a pineapple."
3 guys walked into a hotel...you would think ONE of them would have seen it.
Have you herad of the blonde bear? She got caught in a trap and chewed of her own 2 paws and 1 leg and still couldn't get out.
Whats the differance between a UFO and a smart blonde? There's been sightings of UFOs.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Hah, hah.
ok here's another,
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train."
Hilarious.
Another.
the same 3 men go out hiking( a mexican, an American, and a japanese man.) when all of a sudden they are ambushed by an amazon tribe. The chief says he will whip them 100 times, but he grants them something to put on their backs. The mexican says oil, and gets whipped 100 times.The japanese man says grass and gets whipped 100 times. The genius American says "well, I'll just take the mexican".
4 comments:
WHOA! Do I know those people??? Yikes. :) Here's a joke... Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms! hahaha. I'll give you some more jokes next week. :)
What car part can be used to bake a cake?
The Batter-y
What do you call a man who steps off the dock with a 10 pound anchor in his arms?
A sinker.
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them they'd break.
What is the hardest stadium in which to hit an out-of-the-park home run?
An indoor stadium.
There's 3 guys and they got captured by a tribe. They had to stick a peice of fruit up their butt without making noise or laughing or else they get killed. The first guy came back with 2 grapes. He made a noise so he got killed. The second guy came back with an orange and he started laughing so he died. While they were both up in heaven the first guy said to the second guy "Why were you laughing?"
"The third guy came back with a pineapple."
3 guys walked into a hotel...you would think ONE of them would have seen it.
Have you herad of the blonde bear? She got caught in a trap and chewed of her own 2 paws and 1 leg and still couldn't get out.
Whats the differance between a UFO and a smart blonde?
There's been sightings of UFOs.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Hah, hah.
ok here's another,
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train."
Hilarious.
Another.
the same 3 men go out hiking( a mexican, an American, and a japanese man.) when all of a sudden they are ambushed by an amazon tribe. The chief says he will whip them 100 times, but he grants them something to put on their backs. The mexican says oil, and gets whipped 100 times.The japanese man says grass and gets whipped 100 times. The genius American says "well, I'll just take the mexican".
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